Monday, April 13, 2009

Searching for perspective

Those who know me, know that I am generally a very pleasant, optimistic person. One that hates conflict and confrontation (yes, I get this from my Mom). But lately the little things in life have really been grating on me.

Perhaps it's because I've fallen off the exercise bandwagon (I know that endorphins do a body good. And a happy mom must take care of herself first). More than likely, it's because I spend most of my time taking care of things. And loved ones. Just not myself.

Today, I am admitting that I'm tired. Tired of nothing getting done without me initiating it or doing it myself. And tired of feeling so resentful about it.

A perfect case in point. Yesterday, I was working while all three of my loved ones were enjoying a day off from school/work. As I drove home I had visions of a hot meal waiting for me (yes, I know I must be delusional. And no, there is no history of this happening...at least in recent memory).

As I opened the door, the error of my thinking hit me square in the face. The kitchen was empty. The table was bare. Each one was immersed in their own little world. And no one had even thought about dinner. I guess that is my job.

Needless to say, I was a little (OK, a LOT) annoyed. When hubby asked if I had a bad day, I said "No. I was just hoping that dinner would have been taken care of already." Apparently, I hadn't left directions for what to make...WHAT? Are you kidding me? Don't I come up with dinner ideas EVERY day. Is it beyond the realm of possibility that someone else could come up with a dinner idea every once and a while?

I don't like feeling this way.

Lord help me keep my perspective on the big picture. My children are smart, healthy and adore me (my son would never admit that in public, but I know. Yes, Mr. B, I know.) My husband loves me and is devoted to taking care of our family, even though he despises that his current job takes him away from us so much. We have so much. And are so blessed. Please help me remember that.

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