Monday, July 27, 2009

Hamster Wheel

My husband has described it best...it's like we're on a perpetual hamster wheel and we don't know how/when we'll be able to get off.

With few exceptions (like vacation time), this analogy describes our lives for the past 4 years. Perfectly.

Since 2005, we have lived split lives, so to speak. My husband works away from home during the week. I manage everything while he's gone (not to mention doing this while I work full-time myself). We see him for a few days on the weekend (assuming he's not off on yet another business trip). Then the vicious cycle repeats itself. Over. And. Over. Again.

For years, I've plowed through each week, anxiously awaiting the return of my partner (yes, Friday's are my favorite day of the week ;o) Never allowing myself to dwell on the routineness of our lives. But lately, it seems to be catching up with me.

I'm not sure what the answer is. Or how we'll eventually jump off this dreaded hamster wheel. The obvious choices are either:

1.) Win the lottery (not likely, but we try every week ;o)
2.) Mike gets a new job (easier said than done in this economy)
3.) Move to Michigan (but that won't alleviate us being apart while he's away for all his travel)

I've tried to be more social this year, and it's helped. I actually feel more connected to some of blogger/twitter friends than I do with some of my old IRL friends. But, it's just not enough.

Perhaps, I'm just coming off the high from vacation (and a break from our "routine"). Or perhaps I'm wallowing in too much self-pity.

But enough, is enough already.

I'm ready to get off this damn hamster wheel.

8 comments:

Loukia said...

Oh, I'm so sorry! It can't be easy at all - I don't think I would be able to handle this as well as you have been. You're a great mom and a very loving and patient wife. I guess 'looking for another job' was going to be my response to you, but I know, times are tough. I wish you luck, and good wishes.

McMommy said...

Tell that hamster "STOP THE RIDE! I WANT TO GET OFF!"

We play the lotto every week too. If I win the big one, I'm going to BUY your hamster wheel so you guys can get off! :)

Tiffany @ Lattes And Life said...

I can't even imagine, my friend. What a struggle. We also feel kind of "stuck" with my husband's job right now. As good as it is, it definitely has some big drawbacks as well. Hang in there.....things have a way of happening and changing when we least expect it. (that's what I tell myself too!!)

Jodee Leader said...

Wow! Your wheel is spinning fast! Hoping and praying you can get off sometime soon! Hang in there!

Maria @BOREDmommy said...

I have some bad news for you - that lottery is coming my way first! And I totally understand that feeling - one week just melts into the next with no end in sight. Isn't it great when you can get away and forget it all for even a short period of time. Yeah, that doesn't happen often enough does it. Now you've got me depressed too!!

Naomi said...

oh M ... i have NO answers for you ... only to keep plugging away ... and keep writing it all out ...

You do what you have to do every day ... with the hopes that somewhere in the moments of that day something sticks out as memorable, or worth remembering.

You are DOING that daily ... for your family and your kids.

Take a minute -- tomorrow maybe -- to also do that small something for YOU.

Cheers and kudos to you (tho' I know that doesn't help any with that feeling of Groundhog Day)

Hugs??

kakaty said...

I just wrote my own post about feeling disconnected and have been thinking for a few days about the rut I've been in. Same thing day-in-day-out. I get it, but your situatuion seems so much harder...and 4 years - whew! That's a long time.

Nap Warden said...

Life does seem harder lately. I totally relate to the "hamster wheel"

I'm hoping we all find some ways to get off it...Perhaps I should play the lottery as well...

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