Since July 2008, there has been an added destination on my itinerary whenever I go home for a visit. One that was at first VERY difficult to go to, but has become more of a comfort as time has passed.
I go to visit my grandmother's gravesite.
It's hard to comprehend that it has been more than a year since she's passed. And each visit has stirred up different emotions. At first, all I had to do was just drive near the cemetary for the tears to start flowing. But eventually, those tears subsided and were replaced by a warm sense of peace that she is in a much better place.
This past weekend, as I took the kids to Friends Cemetary to visit her, I consciously remember thinking to myself that I wasn't sad and that I've come a long way in my grief for my beloved grandma.
And then we got back in the car and Mr. B innocently asked if I was sad.
I found it ironic that he was asking about something I had just thought about. "I'm not really sad, Mr. B, because Grandma is in a much better place and is no longer in pain...I miss her, but I know that I will see her again."
And as I spoke I could feel the emotions well up and my eyes became teary. I was in fact sad, no matter what I had tried to convince myself of otherwise. She's been gone for more than a year and I still miss seeing her smiling face, hearing her voice as she says Hellll-ooo and feeling her arms surround me with love.
I'm missing you grandma, today and always.