Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Shifting Perspective

Deep down, I have seen it happening.

Gradually.

Slowly.

But it wasn't until today that I realized I had not been very good at hiding it. After an impromptu "therapy session" where I shared my struggles with a dear friend today, she noted that she had noticed a change in me. Not physical, per se, but more so in my overall demeanor. I was no longer my normal happy-go-lucky self, but rather a friend who was worn down...emotionally drained.

And I am.

There are days that I feel like a ragdoll. One that is constantly beaten against the wall and carelessly tossed across the room with abandon. Whose hair is constantly being pulled in opposite directions, like a tug of war.

My responsibilities are emotionally draining. And some days I don't feel like I want to fight the battle. I crave respite from the storm. Desire nothing more than peace and calm, yet it continues on.

My life as a "single" mother.

I feel guilty in even admitting that I struggle. For I have the "good" end of the stick compared to my husband who is torn away from us for work. But I do, I struggle. Bearing the full load of child rearing is hard. And I've found myself venturing down that dark road of self-pity.

It's a road I don't want to take, for I know it leads to misery. A place I desperately don't want to go.

So today, I am committing to a shift in my perspective....

  • Instead of dwelling on how little I see my husband these days I will focus on how he loves us, is committed to our family and is working hard to support us

  • Instead of being angry that my daughter is having problem falling asleep (after a horrible nightmare) I will cherish the extra snuggles I am getting as I try to calm her fears at bedtime

  • Instead of being irritated that I have to referee yet another sibling squabble I will focus on how I can turn this into a learning experience

  • Instead of dreading yet another pile of laundry that needs washed, dishes that need cleaned, floors that need swept  or lawn that needs mowed, I will remember that I have am blessed to have so much to take care of  (and I have two fully capable children that can help…as witnessed here)

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  • Instead of watching as others work hard towards their fitness goals I will actually get moving myself

  • Instead of dwelling on how unfit we've become I will commit to being a part of the Food Revolution and become a consistently better influence for my children

  • Instead of being jealous of bloggers who are offered opportunity after opportunity I will focus on the many friends I have made since I dived into this online world

  • Instead of tiring of drinking plain old water day in and day out I will remember all she endured so thousands could enjoy safe drinking water (and realize how lucky I am to have come to know her)

My life is FULL of blessings. Hidden beneath all the daily struggles...all the self pity. And it's my responsibility to make sure I remember them.

 

(P.S. This post is my way of setting myself back on the right path and getting myself out of the funk I’ve been in. No need for concern for those how know me IRL ;o)

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

I loved reading this. We ALL walk down that road of self pity from time to time and that's ok. But it's even better that you SEE yourself in this new light and want to DO something about it. I too agree that we don't see the blessings hidden in our own every day lives and it's better to celebrate those than to wallow in our misery! :) xo

McMommy said...

POWERFUL POST!!!!!!!
This is amazing and full of reminders we ALL need. Absolutely touched my mind and my heart. Love you, friend. xoxo

Mom2Miles said...

I sure can relate. I think I've seen my husband for about 1 hour in the past 3 days. And my kids are much littler (thus, needier) than yours. I feel sorry for myself a lot that I get stuck with ALL the diapers, meals, baths, squabbles, etc. But I guess I also get all the hugs and snuggles, too. You're right it's a matter of changing your attitude. But sometimes that's so much easier said than done...

Heather B. said...

WOW!! You just wrote EXACTLY how I have been feeling lately! Thanks for the powerful reminder and perspective change for me!!! I should be excited that my hubby has been getting home earlier but instead i get angry because he either messes up my routine OR doesn't volunteer to help me! Starting today I will be excited when he walks in the door 5 hours earlier than normal!!! Thanks to you for this post!!! :)

The Household 6 Diva said...

As a military wife with three children under 5, I relate to this on many levels. Take a deep breath and refill your cup so you can pour blessings back into your family!

We are facing another deployment -- and I blogged about this very issue last week...

Here is the link if you'd like to stop by...
http://www.household6diva.com/2010/04/fresh-perspective.html

Loukia said...

Aww, mama! What a beautiful, heartfelt post. We have all been there, in one way or another. And I love the positive attitude you are choosing to take. It will help a lot. I find that if I am calm and patient, and stay positive, and count my blessings, then things seem to be so much better! And we are always here for you! xox

Amber said...

I could have written this post myself, except, it wouldn't have been so wonderfully worded.

I needed that :)

Mom2Miles said...

I sure can relate. I think I've seen my husband for about 1 hour in the past 3 days. And my kids are much littler (thus, needier) than yours. I feel sorry for myself a lot that I get stuck with ALL the diapers, meals, baths, squabbles, etc. But I guess I also get all the hugs and snuggles, too. You're right it's a matter of changing your attitude. But sometimes that's so much easier said than done...

Krystyn said...

Biggest hugs, momma!

I totally could have written the same thing. And, I'm not a "single" mom with a hubby on the travel.

Thank you for reminding me of what I need to be thankful for and to really live in the moment.

kakaty said...

This is all so real. Sometimes it's so hard to see all the good through all the stress and day-to-day grind. I think about you all the time, living the "single parent" life and how hard it must be not only managing the daily stuff, but also missing your husband.

Also, can I say how great it is that your daughter is mowing the lawn? I know it's stupid, but it drives me nuts how many women my age have never done that chore and have no idea how to even start a mower. I'm so glad (now as an adult, because I know I complained all the time as a kid) that my parents made me mow every week.

kanishk said...

Absolutely touched my mind and my heart. Love you, friend.
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Jessica R. said...

I often think that the de-facto "single" moms who are only single because their spouses are away on business all the time have it worse than "real" single moms. It's harder to organize and plan and manage because you have someone you could theoretically count on so you end up with a latent resentment that eats at you.
It's a hard road and one that is hard to admit you are walking. Hang in there and know you are most definitely NOT alone.

Kimberly said...

Excellent perspective. Finding the positive in anything makes it easier to manage.

Heather said...

I swear I commented on this in April.......

You always seem to have such a positive outlook. You are amazing and I hope that you are able to see things with joy and well...I have no idea where I was going with this....just know that I understand the "single" parent thing and if you ever need an ear or a venty text that I am here for you!!

((hugs)))

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