Deep down, I have seen it happening.
But it wasn't until today that I realized I had not been very good at hiding it. After an impromptu "therapy session" where I shared my struggles with a dear friend today, she noted that she had noticed a change in me. Not physical, per se, but more so in my overall demeanor. I was no longer my normal happy-go-lucky self, but rather a friend who was worn down...emotionally drained.
And I am.
There are days that I feel like a ragdoll. One that is constantly beaten against the wall and carelessly tossed across the room with abandon. Whose hair is constantly being pulled in opposite directions, like a tug of war.
My responsibilities are emotionally draining. And some days I don't feel like I want to fight the battle. I crave respite from the storm. Desire nothing more than peace and calm, yet it continues on.
My life as a "single" mother.
I feel guilty in even admitting that I struggle. For I have the "good" end of the stick compared to my husband who is torn away from us for work. But I do, I struggle. Bearing the full load of child rearing is hard. And I've found myself venturing down that dark road of self-pity.
It's a road I don't want to take, for I know it leads to misery. A place I desperately don't want to go.
So today, I am committing to a shift in my perspective....
Instead of dwelling on how little I see my husband these days I will focus on how he loves us, is committed to our family and is working hard to support us
Instead of being angry that my daughter is having problem falling asleep (after a horrible nightmare) I will cherish the extra snuggles I am getting as I try to calm her fears at bedtime
Instead of being irritated that I have to referee yet another sibling squabble I will focus on how I can turn this into a learning experience
Instead of dreading yet another pile of laundry that needs washed, dishes that need cleaned, floors that need swept or lawn that needs mowed, I will remember that I have am blessed to have so much to take care of (and I have two fully capable children that can help…as witnessed here)
Instead of watching as others work hard towards their fitness goals I will actually get moving myself
Instead of dwelling on how unfit we've become I will commit to being a part of the Food Revolution and become a consistently better influence for my children
Instead of tiring of drinking plain old water day in and day out I will remember all she endured so thousands could enjoy safe drinking water (and realize how lucky I am to have come to know her)
My life is FULL of blessings. Hidden beneath all the daily struggles...all the self pity. And it's my responsibility to make sure I remember them.
(P.S. This post is my way of setting myself back on the right path and getting myself out of the funk I’ve been in. No need for concern for those how know me IRL ;o)